Turnabout is... a Pain in the Ass

A few weeks back I lost a duck. I borrowed Croftie's umbrella because it was raining that morning, but on the return trip home nary a cloud was in the sky. The duck became a maroon accessory, an awkward one at that. It wouldn't fit in my man-purse, not with Anna K. So I carried her home... sort of. When I stopped to switch trains at Adams/Wabash, I saw the Brown-line I needed to catch pulling in right quick, forgot about my duck which i had set down on the seat next to me, and sprinted out of the car. Thing is I remembered my lost duck, but too late. And the evil part was, as I turned to re-enter the train I'd just left, doors closing before i could get there, I saw the person who had been seated across from me not only knew I'd left behind my umbrella, but had done nothing about it. No "Hey, Sir! You've forgotten your Duck!" No nothing. Instead a sheepish expression amounting to "I'm sorry i didn't speak up, I feel rather uncomfortable looking after you like a foster child, and have failed in my responsibilities as a human to treat others with kindness and respect." People, unlike water-fowl, are jerks.

Today I was jostling my way to Hyde Park on the #2 under similar circumstances. It was raining this morning but I had left our brand new Baby blue Duck umbrella at home, lest I lose it as well. Slightly damp in my seat I saw that a rather boorish young man in the back row was using the seat next to him as a umbrella stand, even though there were several people standing in the aisle. From time to time he would steady his umbrella from toppling over into the people in front of him. The bus struck a curb, causing many wide-eyed stares from us commuters, but Boorish guy never looked up from his paper and shouted, "Hey buddy! Learn (how) to drive!" Either from not paying attention, or through some sort of universal karma, his stop approached and he nearly missed it. I looked up from my Anna K in time to see him jump out the back door and rush off down the street. The doors closed, the bus sped on, and to my surprise i saw his umbrella still lay on the back seat.

The lessons from this are multifarious:
a) all ducks go to heaven.
b) it is inadvisable to carry an umbrella on public transportation
c) don't be boorish, or you might end up caught in the rain.
d) it is inadvisable to use public transportation even when not possessing an umbrella.
e) water-fowl should not be made into umbrellas, but are a delightful combination nonetheless.