Will (Power) and Testament

On Monday i decided to do a silly, crazy, unbelievably stupid thing. I decided to try and go a week without soda. It began as "Operation: Don't," seeing as my soda of choice is Mt Dew and their slogan is 'Do the Dew.' But I quickly realized that Dew is not the only carbonated beverage I subsist on. There was also Coke and its cousin Cherry Coke. There are Ginger Ale and various citrusy flavored delights. So I concluded I may as well go all the way. No half-assed self-imposed fasting for me.

You might be asking yourself, dear God, why on earth would anyone do this to themselves? I'm not God, but I'm glad you asked. For one, I've just been feeling a bit soft lately. And to tell you the truth, I drink an awful lot of soda. And its not very good for you. at all. Though I cannot live without Caffeine, and have since supplemented it through tea, I was getting too much of it. And don't get me started on High Fructose Corn Syrup. With a name like that you have to be unhealthy. Also, my stomach is not a champion stomach, no, it wouldn't even be in contention. It is not on life support or anything, but I need to take it easy on the poor bastard. And laying off the carbonated beverages is probably beneficial to its overall health. Seeing as I recall watching a video in chemistry class on how carpenters use coke to eat away at the grout beneath bathroom tiles so that they can get to the hardwood flooring beneath more easily. I'm pretty sure my stomach is not made of grout, but whatever it is made of, can't be fond of the bubbly.

So its been almost 3 days. And its not getting any easier. Monday was the worst, but I constantly want soda. This is now more a question of will power. And I've told enough people about this challenge that I would be slightly embarassed to fold early. Just a few minutes ago i was walking down a hallway that ended on a window into a classroom and framed beautifully in one tiny pane was the outline of a 20oz Mt Dew, sunlight pouring through its impossibly neon green contents, a color not found in nature but wondrous all the same. I thought briefly about shouldering open the door and stealing the bottle from whatever hapless student possessed it (and good taste). Soon I will be breaking in to nursing homes and selling loot on the street for cash to pay for my habit. Then they'll send me up the river and my baby will grow up without a daddy. That is if i was a father. I'm not. And with all the Mt dew I've drank over the years... I likely never will be.