A Horse is a Horse

(of course, of course)

Why do the most abominable things in my life happen in threes? I've already documented the Bathroom Trilogy of Terror. Now I'm smack-dab in the middle of a creepy old man/sexual predator triple header. Bus-stop was only the first example.

Yesterday I got to work and was told to go clean up some books that were returned the previous day--not my job, but the actual person who does this has been sick, so I happily consented. At that early hour of the morning few employees are working and even fewer customers are shopping. Its generally quiet and one can get many things done very swiftly. The large stack of returners was located at the register, a cramped space to begin with. Take said tight space and add a moveable cart, the heap of books, myself and the cashier clerk, let's call her Jezebel, and there's not much room at all.

Jezebel, a part timer who exclusively works the register, is a busy body, an infamous sychophant, and today, rather scantily clad. In her hair is a crown of what appears to be dandelions. She is wearing a white canvas-like dress that has a preposterously low neck-line. Its just all hanging out there for anyone to see. Moveable cart between us, I begin to load the heap of books and bus them out of there when a customer comes in.

I immediately get a very very bad feeling about this. The man is a regular and slightly... off. There are rumors he did a lot of cocaine in the 80s and I'm not going to say I disagree with these assertions. He's a bit of a Robin Williams type, constantly mumbling things, mostly nonsensical, many of them jokes, claims to see leprechauns hiding behind bookshelves around St Patrick's day, does turkey-calls around thanksgiving, etc. The man comes over to the counter and his endless stream of consciousness stammers when his eyes fall on Jezebel. He recovers quickly however and spouts,

"Why, you must be Lady Godiva!"

Jezebel nervously laughs and maybe turns red, I've got my back to both of them and can't say for sure. The cart is loaded up and I turn around only to receive a second salvo,

"And you must be the Horse!"

Now, I am pretty well versed in myths, legends, histories and such things but these allusions failed me. I looked at Jezebel and raised the 'I have no idea whats going on' eye-brow. She smiles and turns away from the creepy customer. I leave her after the man is gone. Hours later it occurs to me to find out just what the hell was going on. When I get some downtime around lunch I wikipedia 'Lady Godiva' and immediately make the 'so shocked they climb up and almost off my forehead' eye-brows. Turns out Lady Godiva has nothing to do with chocolate (my only previous connotation of the name) and is a famous woman who paraded naked on a horse around the streets of some English city for some noble cause or other.

Now, lemme try and understand this. Was the creepy old man trying to give the young girl a compliment? If so, the horse comment that followed cannot be regarded in any way but sexually. She rides the damn horse for crissakes. Compliment? seems unlikely. So was he admonishing her in some weird literary way? I haven't the foggiest. All I know is that I am glad i didn't know the allusion at the time it was said. Manageable awkward would have been replaced with Apocalyptic awkward. And I can only imagine how this horrible trilogy will be completed...