Wednesday, December 13, 2006

Make Believe? Of Course.

To say that I am a fan of lists is to do me a disservice. I am a list fiend. How much do I love lists? let me count the ways....

1. seriously, i hope you did not just think I would go and abuse a word structuring device purely to prove a point, did you? I'm not a monster. Anyhow back on track, December is a Listophile's dream month. As we humans have decided to aribitrarily divide the small amount of time allotted us into 12 month fandangos, everybody and their mom with a pen or a keyboard is busily scurrying about collating Year End Lists. And no Year End List is quite like a Year's End Best Albums List.

The Onion, which like other venerable institutions such as the Simpsons has aged gracefully, isn't quite as culturally relevent as it once was, makes people mutter to themselves "That old thing is still around, I used to *love* that site," has recently gone and posted its 25 best albums of 2006 list. For the most part it is an exceptional collection of music, placating audiophiles, snobs and elitists so far removed from pop-music that they feel obliged to include at least a few albums which real people have actually listened to. As for me and the rest of us indie music-heads, we will be happy to see such artists as the Holdsteady, the Decemberists, the Pernice Bros, Neko, Destroyer, and the like present and accounted for. I nearly wept for joy when I saw the Thermals in the top 12. but then there was no. #14. and it ruined everything.

.14 Make Believe Of Course.

Now why does this name sound familiar, I scratched my head. Oh wait just a minute! No they couldn't be? No, the Onion couldn't have? Could they? They just did! This inclusion was way worse than any ommision ever could be. This band was responsible for the single worst performance I have ever seen, possibly the world has ever seen. Doubt filled my foolish Onion trusting mind, swirling up out of my brain fog into, what else, a list.

1. Was any other band on this list safe from being lumped together with Make Believe's suck-itude?
2. Is my taste in music hopelessly warped so as not to agree with this?
3. Did Oline, Bernination and myself have a collective hallucination as to Make Believe's incredible lack of anything desirable in music or otherwise?
4. Why hadn't Man Man killed and eaten their opening bands and worn their hides atop their matching white tennis outfits and saved the world from such unbridled terribleness?
5. Why did I now know not only the name of the band that most strikes fear into my heart but the album title as well?

and the questions kept coming but I ran from them. The last one haunting me every since, will lists ever be the same again?



At 11:17 AM , Blogger oline said...

so i was just reading along all la dee da dee da with not a care in the world and then make believe??!?!?!?!! for reals? seriously? or is this a cruel joke? the worst performance ever in the everlasting history of ever and it's possible that they could have an album tolerable enough to warrant inclusion on anyone's- much less the onion's (bastards!)- top ten list of anything other than complete, absolute, total and utter suckitude? for shame. clearly the make believe man is sleeping with one of the more comely bastards at the onion. sexual favors are the only explaination for such atrocities.

At 1:51 PM , Blogger Les Savy Ferd said...

yes but would anyone, even a comely onion editor really want to get with Make Believe man? Once again the horror of the creeping jibblies.

At 6:27 PM , Blogger oline said...

my mind still can't wrap around this. make believe? MAKE BELIEVE?!

At 11:40 PM , Blogger nick said...

when the oline wanted a job and sought a position with the onion, i labeled them as "potential bastards" b/c there was potential that they wouldn't hire her, which would make them bastards.

now that they have never hired her & have listed such horror in their year-ender album list... they are now just bastards. those bastards.

At 8:32 AM , Blogger Les Savy Ferd said...

one might say dastardly bastards.

At 8:59 AM , Blogger oline said...

that word makes me swoon. dastardly. not bastards. tho they're pretty much almost the same word. ah, the power of the letter D.

At 8:00 AM , Blogger nick said...

clearly the O would be a great producer of those segments on Sesame Street where they teach you the phonetic power of a particular letter. as for me - C is for Cookie and that's good enough for me.

At 9:02 AM , Blogger oline said...

oooh. i'd never considered sesame street as a viable career opportunity. but- though there might be a little make believe- i bet they don't allow bastards to work in children's programming. only shiney happy people.


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