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Adieu,

Douglas

Cranky Pants

Man, I'm not sure if it is the crappy weather, or if everyone is not getting enough sleep worrying about H1N1 or what but boy have people put on their cranky pants today. The worst part of this is that 'innocent bystanders' have to suffer for that most insufferable of qualities: entitlement. Both of the incidents I'm about to narrate could have been avoided if people just didn't assume the world revolves around them, or that the rules don't apply to them, or that everyone is out to ruin their day.

About an hour ago a gentleman came into the store and wanted to make a return. Here is, to the best of my memory, the transcript of his conversation with (unbeknownst to him, the worst person he could have possibly pulled this stunt on, let's call them Beth):

Customer: "I purchased this book yesterday because I couldn't find my other copy in my room. I found it now, and I'd like to return this. I'm returning this book."
Beth: "I'm sorry, but we can't do that. That is textbook; it's being used for a class. All books used for classes had to be returned by October 9th."
Customer: "But I just bought it yesterday."
Beth: "That... doesn't really matter, sir. The returns information is on that bright pink slip of paper stapled to your receipt..."
Customer: "I didn't read that. I didn't know. I'm returning this book."
Beth: "But you got in from the textbook aisle, right? And you didn't know it was a textbook?"
Customer: "Right."

long pause.

Beth: "OK, I'm going to make an exception, this one time..."
Customer: "Good, 'cause I make an exception to shop here. I've bought thousands of dollars of books here."
Beth: "An exception from what?"
Customer: "From shopping at other bookstores. From buying books on-line for a fraction of the price."
Beth: "OK, look, you've already won here. We're allowing the return. You don't have to yell anymore."
Customer: "Good, so let's just drop this, OK?"

long pause. transaction completed.

Beth: "Have a nice day." (said, amazingly, sans sarcasm).

There is lots to say here but firstly, even though I work here and have our best interests at heart, at the outset I hadn't taken sides. Our returns policy for textbooks is harsh, but it was enacted to prevent people from treating us like a lending library. Students would actually walk in, buy the book for class, and then return it an hour later after class was over. Most times the book would be damaged enough by handling, that the publishers we order from would deny us returns. In short, we're stuck with lots of books that don't look new and won't sell. Add that up every semester and in an unforgiving economy and yikes. No wonder bookstores are closing all over the place.

So yeah, the returns policy is harsh. And in this situation, I actually would have been inclined to cave. But it became very clear early on, perhaps the second "I'm returning this book" that this guy could give a care about us. He was used to getting his way, and in this case, being denied a return was the equivalent of telling him he failed at life. We were a tool at his disposal which when functioning correctly, always left him feeling better. Now I'm not sure if the whole "I already had the book" was true, or if he just did as he implies he goes out of his way to avoid, and his Amazon order just took longer than he thought to arrive. But the guy sure was a piece of work. We're not going out of our way to disservice you as an individual.

The second incident involved a woman who was asked to check her bag up front. She then proceeded to rattle on about how she "always hated this policy" and "been coming here for 20 years..." Well here's the thing. New people work the register every few months. To them it makes no difference if this was your first time in the store. And they aren't profiling. They are not judging you. You have to check your bag because everyone does. Everyone does because a few folks would like to fill their bags full of books and walk out with them. That, and its tiny and cramped in here. If everyone was walking around with a University sized book-bag stuffed with laptops and everything there would be no room to do anything. Don't be so entitled; it is unfair to give you preferential treatment.

rant over. sorry. weekend? ohsweetjesusyes.

14 OF 69: Love You, Obviously / Like You Really Care

Oh, how we get so jaded so fast.

Its funny how all of those same things that get the poets all worked up, a beautiful sunset, a bright shining moon, when set in the wrong context can also make us pretty damn cranky. How fucking romantic, but I've been there.

There is something terrible about this feeling, something selfish and untoward. When you are single, even the sight of a couple holding hands can give one a bad case of snark. Holding hands? How cute. They must have just met. Roses? Nobody has ever thought of those before! You may as well have gotten that Valentine's bear from CVS.

Its odd, too, how this feeling is a mostly youthful one. I'm sure its far from universal, but I'd bet that most people who enter in this mindset are in their early 20s. So wise but so young. So old but so sensitive. A good reminder that not all emotions generated from Love are pleasant, far from it. And this one might be the worst.

Structurally this song doubles up its power by fusing the lyrics to a sort of beat-poet form. Very pared down, I can almost hear the finger-snaps at the ends of the line. And there are some dandies. The "love you, obviously" is a killer, it's delivery, with the 'obviously' splintered with cynicism just makes you roll your eyes. Oh dear.

Sadness and depression, from being rejected or let down? I get that. But then to turn the tables and make it so that everyone else who is having a good time, they're the walking cliches? Poor form. Yes indeed Mister Singer, you are a dancing bear and you look ridiculous.

13 of 60: Fido, Your Leash is Too Long / Fido, Your Leash is Too Long

Ostensibly a song about sticking your nose, or perhaps other things, where they don't belong, "Fido, Your leash is Too Long" can be boiled down to a couple of pretty clever to semi-clever dog breed puns. I've never been a huge fan of this tune, mostly because I consider it a throwaway between two very powerful moments on the first album, the aforementioned "Book of Love" and the acerbically funny "How Fucking Romantic" (a paean to hipster dating if I ever heard one).

The bubble and pop of this song can't be entirely ignored though. The synthy, electro vibe is as silly as the puns, which in the end don't scan as puns at all. I'll give you shitzu for "shit, you"; but foxhounds has to be pretty garbled to come out "fucked."

Calling a cheating lover a dog is one thing...

rating: (an apropos) "puppy love"

12 of 69: The Book of Love is Long and Boring/ No One Can Lift the Damn Thing

A fascinating premise: a single book containing everything you ever wanted to know about Love. Every single relationship, the pit-falls to avoid, tried and true methods of landing that perfect person, all the crazy stuff anyone has ever done in It's Name. Some Borgesian mammoth of a text, conceivably infinite in size and scope. A document of humanity, or at least, the better parts of it.

And, of course, it is also the physical record of music. As the singer remarks, "the Book of Love has music in it/ In fact that is where music comes from." We're not just talking 'love music' but music. period. And that's not so unreasonable a theory, right? This song is also a reminder that music can also be read, both in a written form, with the clefs and lines and squiggles and all that, with words or without. And not just 'scanned,' but interpreted. My Book of Love would be filled with chicken scratches lining the margins, copious underlined passages and frequent "No, no no, no, no"s, "ew"s and "You're damn right!"s.

The Book of Love also occupies the center of the first CD of songs. I'm guessing that not everyone purchases all three albums at once, so for many of us, at least for a while, this song operates right at the heart of things. It's a weighty song, both in tone and in meaning, arguably the 'textbook definition' of Stephin's 69LS project. The voice, as always, is gravely and wonderful--as old as the Book of Love itself. I could easily picture this voice narrating the whole thing, droning on and on, and he must have been at this for some time now, because it's getting kind of ragged.

But then there are the beautiful moments, where Stephin sings what might be my favorite line of the whole damn piece:

"I love it when you read to me/
and you
you can read me anything."

It's such a romantic moment, he can't even say it all in one go. He breaks up on the most important word, 'you,' ends up repeating it, doubling its presence, and finally get that single line reading "and you". Another precise distillation of love. What is love? "and you".

rating: 'infatuation"

While I Was Away

Fear Not loyal readers. I will be back to the 69LS breakdown soon. I've just been busy. The Summer storms have come and gone and left us up to our ears in... well congratulations, if you can finish that quote on your own, you're as much of a Mr Show fan as I am.

Stuff that has been keeping me sane these past weeks in the face of work:

10. Mad Men. A recent affair, but a good one. Just finished the second episode. To quote the missus: "Ergh! This show gets me so mad!... in a good way!"
09. M83. The frenchy electronica band that played Pitchfork a few weeks back. I've been listening to Saturdays = Youth a lot. Its very summery and light, but my work friends have told me: "You listen to the same music as pretentious 12 year-old girls." Um, thanks?
08. the Tribe. My favorite baseball team has slowly been dismantled. Goodbye Victor. Goodbye Phifer. Hello 2012.
07. United 93. A terribly disturbing re-enactment of 9/11 and the passengers who attempted to re-take their hijacked plane. Not a perfect film by any means, but the subject matter alone makes it deeply moving.
06. Green Lantern Comics. Sinestro War! Blackest Night! Zombie Elongated Man and Martian Manhunter! Scratch the 'pretentious 12 year-old girl' comment from above an replace it with 'average 12 year-old boy'. But man I love me some green lantern.
05. Dirty Projectors. Their latest album Bitte Orca is my runaway choice for album of the year so far. It's strange and catchy and playful and awesome. Listen to the song "Stillness is the Move" and if you aren't sold, then you should just give up on contemporary music.
04. the "Very Short Introduction" series by Oxford. So far I've read their intro to Dinosaurs and WW1. Up next: Consciousness? Dada and the Surrealists? We'll see...
03. Homicide. The non-fiction account by David Simon. I am a Wire fiend and it's come to this in order for me to get a fresh fix.
02. Inherent Vice. the novel by Thomas Pynchon. technically it goes on sale tomorrow, but there are some perks of working in books. I liken this novel to the Big Lebowski set back in 1970, where the Dude isn't a burn-out quite yet. A little more conspiracy-er, too. But that's just, like, my opinion, man.
01. The Simpsons. I've made it my mission to rewatch the series in order. So netflix has been sending me a DVD or 2 a week. I've just finished Season 2. Amazing how good this show was so early on. They really found themselves quite quick. Also amazing how much better the 3rd-7th season will be, if memory serves.

anyhow. thanks for your patience...

11 of 69: Cause I always say I love you / When I mean turn out the light

"I think I Need a New Heart"

Human beings rarely say what they mean. That in itself is sort of a meaningless statement--through the 'duh' factor of how obvious it is. Of course we don't say what we mean. Language is too sloppy and evasive and full of multiple meanings. Even the most careful and taciturn among us slip up sometimes. What I find interesting though is when people purposefully say the wrong thing for the right reasons or vice versa.

If a person is psychologically exhausted from a long day of work, has possibly fought a bit with their significant other during the day (but things are good now) and is just tired of further conversation and they say "I love you" they may very well mean "Please turn out the light (I want to go to sleep)." But that "I love you" still functions the way the person intends it--most of the time. If the other person is kind, or intuitive enough, they'll respond with a "I love you too," and *click* off goes the lights. Simply asking the person to "Turn off the light" would be the honest route, but also the one most fraught with peril. If the significant other is still fuming, that's the last thing they want to hear. If they are in the middle of a story or anecdote about their day that they feel is very important, and you blurt out "Turn out the light," you sure as hell better believe that the light is staying on.

And that's just the domestic reading of that couplet. I think the actual lyric refers more plainly to 'If I tell you that I love you then we'll end up having sex.' But is this more or less duplicitous? It's certainly selfish and unfair, but does the other person really not know what they are getting?

I think its wonderful that the narrator can only speak the truth in song. It's pretty much the thesis statement of 69LS. Forget everything the singer is actually telling their lover, their real message is in the song "I Think I Need a New Heart" which just so happens to be this song. If 69LS is an album of love songs about love songs, then this is its heart. Odd (or maybe perfectly apropos?) that this heart needs replacing.

Grade: "Adoration" (5 of 6)