Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Chillax, Brah

You know that guy in Full Metal Jacket who wrote that Oppenheimer quote on his helmet, "I am Become Death." Yeah, he was being an ironic asshole. Still funny mind you, but definitely in the assholic/ironic subcategory of humor. And somehow, I find myself slipping off the paths of the righteous to join him. I may not Become Death, but I am Become the Thing I Hate. Namely, a hipster. At least, as defined by what I find funny.

Not a big surprise, really. Everything esle in my life has hipster spray-painted and sequined and bedazzled all over it. But consider the following.

I enjoy the 'wassup' Budweiser commercials way too much. Far more than I enjoy the actual beer they were used to advertise. It cracks me up every time I hear myself say 'wassup' all drawn out to a work colleague that just came in. There are several things wrong with that last statement, and grammar and syntax are the least of its problems. Yes, I laugh at my own jokes. I'm (suddenly?) that guy. However this is mitigated (somewhat?) by the fact that i genuinely find it funny. Irony free enjoyment. It almost makes up for the fact that nobody else laughs or even smiles. The best I get is a pair of rolled eyes.

I could go into my borderline psychotic adoration of shows like Aqua Teen Hunger Force, Mr Show, and Sea-lab 2021, but really, what's left to be said. If you don't understand their genius, no force on Earth can save you from a grim and dull hereafter.

I occassionally use acronyms like LOL, and their extended ridiculous relatives like roflcopter and LOLlerskates. Text speak to me is way too funny. Anyhting that makes you sound like a 5-year old with a learning disorder--sign me up!

I say things like 'brah' and 'chillax.' Again, not because I am making fun of anyone per se. I find it hard to believe that people actually said 'brah' at all really. They are like leprechauns or unicorns or compassionate conservatives (zing!, [see there's another example, I say 'zing!']), they only exist in theory, not in practice. So there may not even be frat-boys of this variety to begin with, let alone make fun of. But I find their words hilarious. I'm giggling to myself right now. Hehe.

Labels: ,

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

I'm still a Wise Ass

Marriage can't change everything. Or most things really. Evidenced by nuanced replies to the questions I've been getting from my friends and co-workers.

The first time I heard this it was from an Uncle. "So, what's it feel like to be a married man?" I replied,


Friend #1 in quick succession, "How's married life treating ya?"

"Um, good?" Of course the question mark in my reply refers more to 'is this a sufficient answer?' than implying any sort of uncertainty to my marital bliss.

Friend #4 "So, how's it feel to married!" (with an insane amount of emphasis on 'married' as if it was some sort of mythical state that has been achieved by 2, perhaps 4 people throughout the course of human history)

"Pretty great!," said with a smile which at this point was still genuine.

Co-worker #7 "How was the wedding? What's it feel like..." me cutting them off hopefully not too impatiently,

"It was great! I couldn't be happier." said while not looking away from computer screen.

Co-worker #11 "hey Doug, congrats. Say, how does it feel to be..."

"Married? Hmmm. That's tricky. very hard to say. But i will try and explain. Imagine holding your immortal soul in your hand, it's the size of a grapefruit and luminous and ethereal and beautiful. Now grab onto that soul and crack it in half as violently as possible. Now have the person you love the most in the entire world do the same to their soul. Finally, take one half of your soul and sew it to one half of your partner's. make sure to firmly snuff out whatever halves you do not chose to merge. The new frankensoul is yours to share for the rest of your natural lives."

Labels: , ,

Monday, October 06, 2008

Idiosyncratic or Perfectly Predictable?

Gogol Bordello
the Fav
the kinks
the Clancy brothers
Neutral Milk Hotel
the Backstreet Boys
Deanna Carter
the Smashing Pumpkins
Tribe Called Quest
the Jackson 5
Guns 'n' roses
De la Soul
the Police
james taylor
Arcade Fire
Johnny Cash
TV on the radio
the Beatles
the Pixies
Belinda Carlisle
the Strokes
Michael Jackson
Kylie Minogue
the Postal Service
Bob Dylan
the Go! team
Huey Lewis and the News
Van Morrison
the Beach Boys
Justin Timberlake
Bad company
the new Kids on the Block

a sampling of the artists on our wedding playlist. more to come...


Wednesday, October 01, 2008

Today I Looked Death in the Face and Laughed

When I stepped outside today it was cold--colder than it should have been. Although it is really hard to guesstimate just how it's going to feel outside by looking out the window, past history and suggested mild with a touch of Autumnal crispness. Which made the shroud of debilitating chill that descended upon me bend so sinister it fronted the ominous side.

More ominous still, were the cackling crows streaming in and out of the large tree down the street. They were furious, or scared, or just having a good time, but noisily so and they caught my attention.

Then, in a sequence that could have been lifted from a Peter Jackson epic, my eyes fell from the crows circling above and glanced down the row of trees lining the sidewalk like a colonnade and there, at the very end of a long tunnel like space, in a black cloak which from this distance obscured any recognizable features, was a figure that frightened me to my core, walking swiftly away from me, or was it toward me? It was impossible to tell. The world around me appeared to go dim. The crows went even more nuts, and it felt as if my blood were slowing down in my veins.

Now I'm not exactly a spiritual man, I consider myself a moral and ethical man, but that is not the same and as far as Faith goes I'm a pauper. But I can't shake the feeling that what I encountered this morning somehow transcends normal 'real world' classification. As in i wasn't supposed to see it. I'm not sure what or who the black-cloaked figure was or what they were doing, but whatever it was it was deeply unsettling. And as much as I'd like to forget it, I can't seem to.

Labels: ,